


Balanced Better

by themysteriousinternetentity



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Campaign: Balance (The Adventure Zone), Gen, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26243779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themysteriousinternetentity/pseuds/themysteriousinternetentity
Summary: A young woman plays a game of DND. Her GM is a nerd.In another universe far far away, a PC gets dropped into the Adventure Zone. Shenanigans Ensue.
Kudos: 4





	Balanced Better

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Adventure Zone and make no claims of such. I write fic for fun and to show my love for the podcast. I make no money off of this and do not want to. My works are not approved by, sponsored by or affiliated with the Adventure Zone, the McElroys, or Max Fun.
> 
> I am physically incapable of entering a new fandom and not creating a self insert apparently, so here we go. 
> 
> Just to be clear, this is NOT RPF, the GM is not Griffin.

_You wake up, and you don’t know where you are. This isn’t where you went to sleep, and it’s nowhere you’ve been before. You’re surrounded by trees, and as you sit up you realize that you’re next to a dirt road running through a forest of some kind. What do you do?_

Uhhh. Do I have anything useful with me?

_You’re in the same clothes you went to sleep in._

T-shirt and shorts then, great. Okay, I guess I start walking down the road? I’ll see if I can find some people.

_Left or right?_

I’ll goooo…left. Do I at least have shoes?

_Are you the kind of monster who sleeps in shoes?_

Of course not, what do you take me for?

_Then no, you don’t have shoes._

Wonderful, this is going to be so great for my poor fragile feet.

oOo

_Congrats, you avoided offending the gnome innkeeper by the skin of your teeth._

And my nat 20!

_And the nat 20, yeah. So you’re in DND!_

Who could have seen this coming. I am shocked. Truly shocked. I thought we were playing chess.

_Hardy har. What do you do next?_

Well, I need to see if I can get ahold of some money. I’d like to buy, you know, _shoes_.

_How do you plan to get money?_

Is the innkeeper hiring? With a dex score like this I’m not going the rogue route.

_Not to mention the good alignment._

Well yeah, also that.

_The innkeeper says that she isn’t hiring full time staff right now, but if you’ve got any musical talent you’re welcome to try and earn a few coins._

Fuck it, let’s go. Worst that happens is they boo me out of town, in which case I still have nothing to my name.

_Your optimism is astounding._

oOo

So were you going to warn me that songs could just suddenly do magic, or…?

_Hey, you knew bards were a thing!_

College of Creation though?

_You got your powers through interplanar travel, I don’t know what you want me to say. It’s the only option really._

Interplanar…wait a minute.

_Moving along-_

oOo

_You open the letter and read: “Congratulations, you have been accepted as a member of the IPRE. Your unique experiences with the Song of Creation will be of great benefit in studying the Light of Creation-”_

I can’t believe you dropped me in the freaking _Adventure Zone_ of all things-

_Are you going to let me finish the letter, or?_

Hey, let me have my in-character freakout session, I think she’s earned it.

oOo

Isn’t just sticking in an Eighth Bird a little cliché?

_Would you rather I end the game with “and then she got eaten by the Hunger, the end?”_

I’m just saying!

oOo

_You’re going to what._

I’m going to steal the light of creation and take it on the Starblaster! That way we can follow the plot along to stopping the Hunger forever, but also I don’t feel like a monster for leaving this system to get eaten.

_…_

Besides, every system that doesn’t get added to the Hunger means it’s weaker in the long run!

_Right, roll for stealth._

oOo

_Frankly, you’re lucky I didn’t have them pull you off the mission and arrest you for that._

…should’ve been a rogue instead…

oOo

_So, how do you spend your year in the Animal Kingdom?_

Well, since I’m the engineer I should probably inspect the bond engine and make sure nothing went weird with that jump.

_Makes sense._

Also if I can figure out why it happened, that could help us in the long run right?

oOo

_You’re going to what?_

I’m going to cook dinner for everyone! I just think that, I mean, Timmie is very stressed right now, and that’s a way that she relieves that stress, and so is caring for others. Also, communal eating is a great way to strengthen bonds between a group of people, which strengthens the bond engine, which means I’m doing my _job_ as engineer, and-

 _Okay, okay, whatever. Taako comes up and asks what you’re doing_.

“I’m making dinner!”

“Nerd girl can cook, huh?”

“This is literally fantasy NASA, we are all nerds here Taako.”

“Yeah yeah shut up. So what are you making?”

“Ta-”

Fuck.

“Ta- omelettes. With ground beef in them.”

“Tah omelettes huh.”

“They’re…like omelettes…but with flair.”

_That’s what you’re going with?_

I forgot about the taco thing! If I ruin this entire story and doom the universe to the hunger because I made tacos in the middle of the Stolen Century I swear to-

_Just roll for bluff._

18?

_I hope you know how lucky you are._

Oh thank goodness.

oOo

_You literally know the future._

I’m aware.

_You know all of the future. In character, you know what’s going to happen._

Mm hm.

_So why the HELL are you taking your entire year on the magic archive planet to study DIVINATION MAGIC?_

Two reasons. No, three.

_This should be good._

One: now I can tell them I Know Things and have evidence to back me up. Two, my presence changes things, and I would love to be able to forsee some of those changes and adapt to them. Three, all my magic right now is College of Creation and if I get cornered into that relic nonsense I’m not gonna just make a freaking Pendant of Power that lets you like. I can literally bring inanimate objects to life my dude, I’m not putting that in a relic!

_Oh, and knowledge of the future is so much less dangerous?_

…shut up.

oOo

_So Barry and Lup have just presented their plan to build the relics, and Lucretia has fired back with her barrier plan. What do you do?_

“I uh. I might have a third plan?”

_Davenport looks at you._

“What would that be?”

“I mean. If Lucretia can cast a shield around an entire plane, why cast it around the prime material plane? What if she just cast it around the Hunger and locked it away? Let it starve?”

“I…I suppose that is theoretically within the range of what my spell could do, actually. But I’d have to be standing in the Hunger itself to do it.”

_Lup interjects._

“Absolutely not, that is way too dangerous.”

_Lucretia:_

“Oh, and unleashing incredibly powerful artifacts into the hands of the populace at large ISN’T?”

oOo

_So they decided to keep the relic plan. You and Lucretia were outvoted. How does Timmie react to that?_

“I…I don’t like it. At all. I don’t want to be responsible for that kind of suffering, but they aren’t _listening_.”

_Do you make the artifact?_

I…yeah. Yeah I do. Screw it, I’ve been following Capn’port for this long. Maybe with 8 splitting up the power instead of 7 the effects won’t be as bad?

_What are you going to make?_

A hairclip.

_Divination?_

You know it babey!

_Put those fingerguns down before I make you._

oOo

_You’re standing in Lucretia’s quarters, and she’s pacing back and forth in front of Fisher’s tank with a journal in her hands. She’s just explained her plan to erase everyone’s memories of the relics to you._

“-and you were the only one who agreed that it was a bad plan, so I wanted to know. Would you like to help?”

“Lucretia, I say this with the utmost love and respect. What the _fuck_?”

“We have to stop this!”

“So call another team meeting! I think erasing the general population’s memory of the relics is probably the right thing to do, but making us forget each other? Making Taako forget Lup? That’s not okay Lu.”

_She sighs, and looks at you sadly._

“I didn’t want to have to do this.”

_She moves towards the tank._

“Lu I swear if you-”

_She drops in the journal._

**Author's Note:**

> (the title is entirely a joke about the party composition, which is now my wizard, my wizard, my wizard, my wizard, my wizard, my cleric, my fighter, and me, a bard. So slightly better balanced).


End file.
